karim

Meanders in light
Darius

—Maliblue

no matter your opinion of me, you will love this song with me

nothing needs to be said

In the end, I will find my way

alone

I must

I think my footholds are disappearing, my path to descent becomes clearer and more imminent as it all goes on

to me: what it all means

I’m titling this this way so that you know that I do not write this with the mindset that I am right, rather, it’s what is right to me.

I’ll tell you a story:

bear with me through the first part, it’ll all make sense later

Once upon a time, ultra-violet rays coming from the sun hit a sort a string of oligonucleotides that propagate by themselves. Through some thermodynamic miracle, a cell was made, a cell that can pass on its what we now call “genetic” information onto its offspring.

Life

From then on, it’s the longest, most complex chemical reaction we’ve ever observed. We are essentially one long, unbroken¬†splits from that first cell. We are each halves of a half that came from a half. From a single point we explode outwards into an incredible variety of species and personalities.

Every process is like this, everything that has ever mattered to me has followed the template of propagation laid down by that first cell.

I want you to relate, I want you to see like I see, or at least like my story.

From when I was a boy, a cell (to continue my analogy), whole and without much complexity. I was able to love everything and everyone. But as life and time go on, I was split.

I was halved

At first physically, moving away from a friend, getting split into different classes. 

I was halved.

But still, it’s not exactly a split one could observe or one that really mattered; I mean, how different is a fifth grader really after they experience the heartbreak of being put into a different class than their buddy? Digression aside, I find it important that my analogy is relevant at all stages of my life.

Then came adolescence where the first real signs of complexity came forward. Specificity in the defining aspects of my character for better or for worse started pushing me away from people. Changing, refining, always being halved, molded by both love and abuse, by the ugly the ugly and sometimes the occasional beautiful. Every corner, blemish and edge with a reason behind it. Over and over again:

I was halved.

Now comes the time where I can see it, where I can tell you what it means to me. I actually kind of find it funny, the moments that we most likely want to keep hidden, the moments that halve us, are usually the ones I find so beautiful.

to me: what it all means

The halves, the cause and effect, the splitting of a whole; forks in the road that define us as individuals. From the propagation of cells to loving one’s character, it is the central model of how my world works.

Anonymous asked: are you muslim?

i am a scientist who only cares about making the world better

Just Noise

White noise

just noise

whitenoise

I am, maybe, disappointed with myself.

i’m trying the best i can, but it’s never good enough I aim too high I aim too low.

some want too much

others not enough

but then where am I?

daydreamin about space n shit