nothing needs to be said
In the end, I will find my way
I think my footholds are disappearing, my path to descent becomes clearer and more imminent as it all goes on
I’m titling this this way so that you know that I do not write this with the mindset that I am right, rather, it’s what is right to me.
I’ll tell you a story:
bear with me through the first part, it’ll all make sense later
Once upon a time, ultra-violet rays coming from the sun hit a sort a string of oligonucleotides that propagate by themselves. Through some thermodynamic miracle, a cell was made, a cell that can pass on its what we now call “genetic” information onto its offspring.
From then on, it’s the longest, most complex chemical reaction we’ve ever observed. We are essentially one long, unbroken splits from that first cell. We are each halves of a half that came from a half. From a single point we explode outwards into an incredible variety of species and personalities.
Every process is like this, everything that has ever mattered to me has followed the template of propagation laid down by that first cell.
I want you to relate, I want you to see like I see, or at least like my story.
From when I was a boy, a cell (to continue my analogy), whole and without much complexity. I was able to love everything and everyone. But as life and time go on, I was split.
I was halved
At first physically, moving away from a friend, getting split into different classes.
I was halved.
But still, it’s not exactly a split one could observe or one that really mattered; I mean, how different is a fifth grader really after they experience the heartbreak of being put into a different class than their buddy? Digression aside, I find it important that my analogy is relevant at all stages of my life.
Then came adolescence where the first real signs of complexity came forward. Specificity in the defining aspects of my character for better or for worse started pushing me away from people. Changing, refining, always being halved, molded by both love and abuse, by the ugly the ugly and sometimes the occasional beautiful. Every corner, blemish and edge with a reason behind it. Over and over again:
I was halved.
Now comes the time where I can see it, where I can tell you what it means to me. I actually kind of find it funny, the moments that we most likely want to keep hidden, the moments that halve us, are usually the ones I find so beautiful.
to me: what it all means
The halves, the cause and effect, the splitting of a whole; forks in the road that define us as individuals. From the propagation of cells to loving one’s character, it is the central model of how my world works.
Anonymous asked: are you muslim?
i am a scientist who only cares about making the world better
I am, maybe, disappointed with myself.
i’m trying the best i can, but it’s never good enough I aim too high I aim too low.
some want too much
others not enough
but then where am I?
daydreamin about space n shit
so i’m sitting here watching this happen:
women losing rights over their bodies
environment getting wrecked
economy going down the shitter
people going hungry
religion causing death and ignorance
people losing compassion
i’m inclined to think there really is no solution, maybe Earth wasn’t meant to support civilization… in fact, that’s not the right question, because if you decide to forgo the ignorance of the religious and decide to see what’s really there: that there is no plan for you, for me, for anyone, you see that the infrastructure on which our “world” is based on has never been observed.. it’s at most an ideal
what we are always working towards, what we want, has never been ours. there has never been a world bereft of hunger, rape, or war. civilization has never been good for the world, we are a parasite on the earth’s germ culture, it’s either us or earth, and we’re winning.